life
There is nothing I fear more than being alone. Don't get me wrong, I can appreciate some alone time too but most of the times when I'm all by myself my head just keeps going. Over thinking every single situation in my life, or should I'm say over thinking my life.
I'm the happiest version of myself when I'm surrounded by people. I don't have to nor do I want to be in focus the whole time, but that is when I can relax, laugh and just be.
I have since Monday afternoon, been stuck in bed cause of what I believe is my first sick moment of 2014. I haven't talked to anyone, mainly cause I don't have a voice at the moment, but also cause I have been too busy going through picture after picture, video after video to figure out my situation.
I'm stuck in after evil circle where I'm so afraid to fail that I can't even give myself a chance to succeed. I want everything I do to be perfect. Everything. Home, work, relationships, body, bowling. Everything.
I feel that I'm running but I'm not really sure where I'm going.
I wanna be good enough.
I have so high expectations on myself and I don't know how to get rid of them.
I have been so busy lately making sure everyone else is ok that I kinda forgot about myself. I haven't even though about myself. I've been too busy caring about others. AND AGAIN don't get me wrong. It means the world to me to make the people around me feel good and be happy. I have been OK with that until now when I got a day and a half by myself and realized I have pushed myself aside.
OK I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. Does this make sense? Very common question in this blog btw.
I feel happy but at the same time I don't. How is that even possible?
Blaaaah.
I just hate winter. Winter makes me depressed.
I'm not even crying when making this update. I just feel empty. I need some energy and this I'm gonna get by getting back at the gym. I'm a fighter. I'm not gonna give up. I just need to clear my thoughts a bit and this is where I do so. I need to put myself and my body first now. So stupid cold please go away, leave me alone. I'm too busy for this sh*t.
Let's make the last 28 days of this year freaking amazing, OK?
♡
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