Think before you do
I'm not looking for anyone to feel bad for me, I just wanna make that clear.
If you were gonna discribe me as a person, using 3 words, how would you describe me?
I would say
I have lost myself the past week. When someone you hold close to your heart treat you like you're worth less than the dirt under its shoes, it kind of shakes your world. No need to share more details but friends, I'm not an angel. I've made some stupid decisions, I have hurt people but I have also learnt from this. I'm trying each day to become a better version of myself. I feel that so far I'm doing pretty good. But what I wanted to say was: think before you do. Be careful about the people you have arround you.
Treat people the way you want people to treat you.
I know, we all make mistakes but there is thing called an apology. Feel regret. Make it up to the person. Not rub it. Not act like you didn't do anything wrong.
It's heartbreaking. You question every single word, every single act.
Heartless people. May you guys never experience the pain I feel at the moment. And may you never be the one causing such pain.
I have finally figured it out, why I don't update my blog as often as I did before. I don't update it as often anymore cause I'm too afraid of sharing my thoughts at the moment. I feel that you would totally get me wrong but I can't do it anymore. I need my blog. I promised myself when I created the website that I was gonna stay true to myself and be totally honest. This is my way of dealing with things and thoughts.
From now on those of you that can't handle it, I'm sorry, there are other pages to read from. This is me. This is my site.
It's not gonna be all sunshine and happy days. It's gonna be everything. Traveling, bowling, working out, bad days, good days, friends.
So let's do this. Let's find our way back.
love hate relationship
How about that terrible weekend as a bowler? Oh dear god. I feel like someone ran me and my feelings over with a truck.
I can't say I'm unhappy with how I executed my shots but I just couldn't match up to the lanes and the pattern. It was not hard to get to the pocket but to get the last pin out. My ball either hooked in my backswing or not at all.
Personally I just wanna forget all about this weekend and look forward.
Brunswick Euro Challenge
Wifi is terrible over here. I can't connect to the one at the hotel and the wifi in the bowl have alot of users on at the same time so it's very hard to get on and when you finally connect it's soooooo slow. Imagine how I feel. This girl always has here phone in her hand and now it's useless. Hahaha it's heartbreaking.
Friday was travel day and normally travel days means early mornings. 03.30am wakeup call, showered and packed our bags so we could take a cab to the airport. We stayed at Joline and Frederiks place in cph so we didn't have to get up earlier. 06.40am we departed from cph and landed 1,5h later in Munich. Slept the whole way.
Bowled at 4pm. Lined up totally the wrong way in the beginning but figured it all out after two games. Decreased my speed and moved further left and executed the shots much better. I was tired but I still got something out of the squad. I have a game plan for today's squad. I'm right now on the lanes bowling so fingers crossed and I will update you later on!
I woke up with a sore back and neck and I'm going to bed with sore legs. After having a bad cold for a week I'm finally starting to feel better and today I went out for a shorter run. When I say a shorter run I mean a 5km and I was dead at the end. I pushed myself today and the devils in my head did not win. I did. I didn't stop when I was tired. I stopped when I was done.
After running I did my stretching routines and then spent an hour and a half on the couch watching gossip girl and having early dinner before bowling house league.
As I told you guys yesterday the past few weeks has been a bit of a struggle on the lanes but I finally starting to feel confident on the lanes again. Thanks to mom. 😍 today was no different. I bowled 928/4 with my IQ Tour Solid and my IQ Tour Nano on a 38ft pattern. So you could say I'm excited to be heading to Munich on Friday. I'm so ready to get out and bowl again!!
The evening was spent on the couch with a movie and some great company. Tomorrow I have 3 coaching sessions and maybe gym too. Let's have our fingers crossed that I wake up and feel good, no sore legs, no cold, just ready to go and kick ass.. hahaha
Good night x
move, bowling and work
I'm alive. Yet again I have had so much to do that I have put the blog aside. I didn't mean to, it just happened. I like to put down my thoughts in words and it's about time I do it again..
I just woke up a little while ago, took F to work and now I'm back on the couch watching gossip girl and eating breakfast.
So what have I don't since the last update? I've been doing my favorite thing and my least favorite thing in the whole world. Bowling. & packing/moving.
I got a new apartment apartment so the last week was spent with boxes apartment and cleaning out. I moved all my stuff on Friday and it took us about all day and we are still not 100%done. I will show some pictures when I'm starting to like it there 😊
So what about bowling? I've been struggling a little after stockholm. Something happened when I got back home, something that I don't feel like sharing here on the blog. Let just say bowling was not priority that week. Didn't get much sleep and my head was spinning like never before. Also a reason why I have stayed away from the blog.
I'm always there again, with my game and mental game. And I'm very much looking forward to heading to Munich on Friday to bowl on the World Tour again!
Other than that I'm doing great. I'm really enjoying home at the moment. I'm happy. Very happy. Like butterflies in the stomach happy. Amazing feeling.
But I think that's all for now. 😘 I'm gonna get some rest before work.
Leg day - bed day
As I told you yesterday was not just another normal workout and practice day. I actually pushed myself a little harder at the gym too. We'll I have been the past month I must say. Lifting more weights now than I did before but yesterday was a tough leg day.
My legs started shaking halfway through the workout, haha. I had to hold on the railing in the stairway on the way down from 3rd floor to ground floor and today it hurts like.. alot. 😂
It's a pretty nice feeling even though I have problems walking, bowling, sitting down, laying down, doing pretty much everything.. 😆 it just takes more warm up than normally.
It should be some kind of rule that says the day after leg day is bed day. Who's with me?!
I cancelled my workout today. I was gonna do cardio but I figured my leg needed some rest. So today I have had two coaching sessions, met up with Emma and had a cup of tea at a cafe downtown, then back to the bowl for the last day of try it out with Storm and Roto Grip balls! I wanna thank each and every one of you who stopped by the bowl the last 3 days to try the new stuff out! Last but not least I practiced for a little while with the guys.
Right now I feel that it was a stupid choice to cancel my workout since I'm pretty much wide awake at 1am but then again rest is important too. Lucky me I don't have work tomorrow, just workout, lunch with a friend, practice and then dinner with another friend. Perfect day if you ask me. Oh yea I'm going to the hairdresser too and who knows what my hair is gonna look like afterwards 😊 good thing: I'm very spontaneous. Bad thing: I'm very spontaneous. Hahaha I will show tomorrow, right now it's just long..
I guess I have to try to get some sleep. Gotta be up at 8am..
What I thought was gonna be just another day of working out and practice instead got a different turn in the middle of the day. little bit of wake up call, an emotional moment.
There is this one kid that I coach in our bowling center. He's not like any other kid. I don't mean that in a bad way, what I mean is that this guy is spreading energy around himself without even knowing it. This guy is always smiling. This guy always gives you a hug. This guy loves bowling. Yes, this is the kind of guy that you feel good to be around and he doesn't even know it. A young kid that has a great future ahead of him, both on and off the lanes.
Two weeks ago he had a surgery done. Not just any small surgery, he removed a tumor big as an orange in his leg/hip.
This kid has not only bowled with this big painful thing in his leg/hip - what makes my heart ache is that he actually had to go through the thoughts of: is it a bad one? Good one? Has it spread further? And what scares me the most: am I gonna wake up again?
I was talking to his parents before the surgery and they said that it was gonna be a tough recovery - have in mind that they had to cut the muscle to be able to remove the tumor - we were talking wheelchair, crutches and rehab.
So I sent him a message last week to make sure everything was OK with him and to tell him that we missed him in the bowl and that I was hoping to see him soon again, if he just wanted to swing by to say hi during practice.
This kid is truly amazing.
Today he walked into the bowl. Two week after the surgery. No wheelchair. No crutches. And guess what? Carrying his bowling bag with shoes and bowling ball down to the lanes and said - I'm ready to bowl. He bowled and he enjoyed it.
I just can't stop smiling about it. He is such a fighter. He is a true inspiration.
To see the relief in his mother's eyes. To see the happiness in his eyes.
Yes. I cried. Happy tears.
I'm just blown away by his strength. It's incredible to be back on the lanes so fast after such a big surgery. This kid is cool. That's some pure will right there.
Thanks N for letting me share this story.
You inspire me!
Back in sweden
Oh dear. It's been way too long since I updated here. The last two weeks has been crazy busy and I feel like it was yesterday we left for America. I've pretty much been bowling, sleeping and working non stop for the past two weeks. America was fun yet exhausting at the same time. Early mornings and late afternoons, dinner and then sleep. Jetlag didn't really make it easy either. I don't think it went to bed no later than 10pm that week.
We bowled alot, we learned alot and we did set a few new top 10 on the physical tests in the gym. Pretty cool if you ask me! Personally I'm very satisfied with the week. I got the answer I needed with my game, I had improved my versitility with my game and also improved my running score. I'm now in the top 10 of the functional movement screen, broad jump, balance test and the running. :)
Got home on Monday morning. Struggled to stay awake all day but I managed to keep my eyes open until about 8pm. Fell asleep for half an hour, woke back up and then went to sleep at 11pm.
When my alarm went off on tuesday morning I thought it was some kind of joke. Dead tired and had a 12h work day ahead of me. 😴
After work I dragged my ass to the gym and spent an hour on the crosstrainer. Burned 1000cal and then I fell asleep like a little baby.
Same thing on Wednesday. Dead tires but only 8h work day ahead of me plus bowling practice.
Do I have to tell that I broke down on Wednesday? I burst into tears cause I was so exhausted and mentally tired. Beat up after a challenging week.
Finally got my sleeping on Thursday. Left bed at 2pm. Went to the gym. Spent the afternoon with my bff and then went to the movies to see fifty shades of grey. HOLY CRAP THAT MOVIE IS GOOD and so are the books. Totally worth watching and reading.
and we meet again, america
It has been a very long day. 21h since I left my bed and started the trip from back home til I was back in bed here in Arlington. Body is sore and exhausted.
It feels like home but yet so far away. I love America. We landed a few hours ago and I'm excited to be back here.
So, Arlington in Texas on the schedule. Team Sweden ladies are gonna spend this week at the coolest place ever for a bowler, the international training and research center. It's gonna be a tough week but we are gonna learn so much. We were here for the first time a year ago, we did a bunch of tests and I guess we are gonna do them again to see if we are going in the right direction or not. Not really sure what else is on the schedule. :)
We have the day off tomorrow and if I know things girls well enough I think we are going shopping tomorrow but first some well needed sleep!
What's your distance
It has been a busy day. Woke up early, went to my physical therapist to work on my neck and back problems. He believes it my muscles that are irritated right now so I'm getting some massage, ultra sound and stretching. It feels much better overall but today after working out I got a weird feeling in my neck. It's already feeling better but hope I'm not gonna feel anything tomorrow cause we have two very important matches in league, I have to be able to bowl 8 games. Fingers crossed.
After I went to my physical therapist I went back and forth with mom downtown. We went grosserie shopping, to the vet, to showings of 3 apartments and then I was watching my nephew between 2pm and 8pm. Felt tired after a long but dragged my ass to the gym and did some cardio:
5min incline 2,5 6km/h
5min incline 2,5 9,5km/h
5min incline 2,5 6km/h
5min incline 2,5 9,5km/h
5min 9,5km/h - increase every min with 0,5km/h
5min incline 9,5km/h
11km/h 1 min Intervall with 30sec rest x5
Powerwalk 1,5km to finish at 10km and 770kcal
💪 took me about 70mins to do this on the treadmill and I was soaking wet afterwards. It was tough mentally today. My head wanted to give up a few times but I was determined to make it. And I did.
Celebrated with meatball sandwich when I got home 😍 and a workout selfie
Now I'm ready for bed.
Early morning wakeup call tomorrow
A few links if you guys wanna read some articles from after the show. Thoughts from the bowlers and the audience:
Big girls cry when their heart is breaking - Sia
It amazes me how quickly my mood can change. I think there is some kind of bad spell over my Sundays. There is nothing good coming out of Sundays ever. Once again I have had an incredible weekend with my friends. I have spent time with some of the people that matters the most and still I'm ending up with music and tears to end the weekend. It's almost like it's some kind of weekly routine.
I'm the type of person that when I truly love and care about someone, I feel it so deeply it hurts. I love to meet and get to know people, I'm a very open minded, social young lady but I am so afraid of letting people close to my heart cause of the simple reason that I there is nothing that scares me more than a goodbye. Friendship or relationship. It doesn't matter. There is nothing that haunts me more than a goodbye. Not being able or even allowed to talk to the ones you love is terrifying. Just the thought of it brings heartache.
"And in the end, letting go was alot like finding love. I had to learn to say goodbye to the one who gave me the courage to say hello."
I hate goodbyes
I hate Sundays
I hate to feel everything so deeply
New year, ney gym, new motivation. It's one of those #tbt photos to show where I first thought I was in good shape. I was in terrible shape. Too skinny, not eating enough, didn't feel good about it more than I saw my abs. I thought that was the way to get abs until two years later when I started to work my ass off, eating alot and getting in my best shape ever.
Today I felt the same motivation as I did a year ago when I was in the middle of my transformation. I registered for a new gym yesterday, did 30min cardio then, today I did 1h cardio intervals pw and run with and without incline and 30min strength and tomorrow is leg day. 💪 can't wait.
I have already went grosserie shopping, prepared lunchboxes for 3 days and had an appointment at my physical therapist. I get surprised every time I can get up in time and get stuff done haha. I'm so lazy in the mornings but lately (since my detox) I have done much better.
So yesterday I had 4h of coaching sessions and the evening was spent with Rebecca, a girl I got to know this Christmas. Really enjoyed our conversation yesterday, had dinner at one place and went across the street for some tea afterwards. Definitely not the last time I'm spending time with her, such a sweet girl!
Other than that my week has been good. Taking it easy on practice this week since we don't have any tournaments or matches to bowl this weekend and my back is sore too, going to the gym later today to do some cardio. Actually trying out a new gym called 24/7 today. Pretty much all of my friends are at that gym and it's closer to the downtown city/bowl too so I hope I like it there. :)
Lunch with my babe's at 1pm, guess who's gonna make the lunch? Hahaha me. Wish me luck. 🙋