Almost a year ago to be exact, I planned out my whole 2014. I knew exactly what I was gonna do and I had high expectations. 

Looking back on my year, I'm trying to be happy with how it turned out, cause I have accomplished some pretty amazing and important stuff but it's hard at the same time cause I failed miserably on some things that was very important to me. 

I have challenged myself a lot the past year. I started my 2014 with being sober for 6months. This might be seen as a ridiculous thing for some of my readers but please keep in mind that I'm still young and I absolutely love to go out for a drink and dance until my feet hurt. I also appreciate a beer or maybe a glass of wine with some delicious food or some chocolate. It was a big challenge cause I had to say no and miss out on many great memories with my friends but at the same time I created my own memories and I created my way to accomplish some of my goals. During these 6months I was working out very hard and practicing bowling so much, I was a BEAST in the gym - in my own eyes. I'm not comparing myself to anyone other than myself. I have never been as shaped as I was at the beginning of the summer. 

Not only did I workout, bowl and stay sober. I also overcame one of my biggest fear in life and participated in my very first Half marathon. 21km of pure will. I have always hated running but I managed to do it and I did good. I beat my friends time with 6mins. My time was 2h and 9mins and his was 2h and 15mins. He was the one challenging me and that's what you get ;) 

Oh yea. I might have to add that before running the half marathon I bowled a qualifying match for the guys team I bowl for. Most important match of the year. 2 matches, 4 hours on the lanes, 8 games. We won and qualified for a higher league division. I went straight from the lanes to gothenburg for the half marathon and I was literally running to make the last group out on the 21km long run. Hahaha how crazy is that?

But all good things has a backside. My body took a lot of beating during this period of time. I got some problems with my knees and had to take a break from working out. Thanks to our amazing physiotherapist on the national team I could bowl without any pain and soon also get back on track with my working out. Not as intense though. 

It's starting to sink in now that this past year has been pretty good. 

We are still talking beginning of the summer. I was in the end of my 6months. European Women's Championships in Berlin. Back to back European Champions in trios and silver medalists in team event. There is no better feeling that standing on the podium with a gold medal as a necklace and hearing the swedish national anthem. UNBELIEVEABLE. What is even more perfect is that the whole team got to share the moment cause the other trios team won the silver. 

I was home for two days before packing my bags again and leave to go to USA for my favorite tournament of the year. And here is where I have my second disappointment of the year. My first was my trip to the middle east in march. 3 weeks of bad bowling. I was devastated. Can't remember last time I felt so bad after a trip. 

USA was, as I said, my second.  USBC QUEENS was one of my main goals of the season. I was determined to make the TV show but ended up not even making the matchplay. This is when I also thought I missed out on making my second main goal of the year, the WBT finals. I thought I had to catch up with the girls on this event as it was one of the last tournaments. Luckily for me, I found out later that summer that I still had a chance of making it. A big chance. But there is a few more things I wanna share before that story. 

After such a terrible performance in America, all I wanted was to take a few weeks off bowling and enjoy my free time with my closest friends and family. When I say take some time off, I mean only bowl like once a week ;) haha. Enough about bowling for a while. 

I had THE best summer in my life. I have done so many fun, crazy, exciting things with the most amazing people. I skydived, I spent time on the beach, I danced until sunrise, I went on a great weekend to gothenburg with my favorites, I spent so many days/late evenings on the rooftop at my friends place, I played beerpong in the middle of the street in the middle of the night - why? Cause that's just who we or I am. Spontaneous. I'm absolutely crazy fun when I can be and I'm 100% dedicated when I have to be. That is one thing I have learnt about myself this year. I am dedicated. If I wanna do something, I'll do it and I'll do it a hundred percent. 

s

(Don't hate me if I have missed out on something in this blog post.  I have worse memories than.. I don't know. But It's bad.)

But this year I'm actually a little excited about it. Yesterday we got together at my parents house for about some food and really giving my nephew his gifts. He was so freaking happy about his LEGO police station he got from my brother and I. He was kissing it and he was so cute. Haha. Made my day. 

Ended the night with some drinks with Emma ♡ 

Today I woke up, got ready then mom came and picked me up. Lunch with her and dad, wrapping presents and then off to Perstorp.

I'M GONNA SPEND CHRISTMAS EVE WITH MY BEST FRIEND 

Hahaha can you tell I'm happy? Not only Josefine, I'm gonna see Rasmus, Robin, Amanda AND Amelie too!! 

So Merry Christmas everyone! Love you all. 

I have been surrounded by the best people ever, I have done everything I love to do. I have bowled, I have met new people, I have been drinking, I have been dancing, I have been smiling. And right now I'm in love with life. 

I am so happy that I finally have come so far that I feel happy with myself again. I'm happy with the things I do and with the people I'm surrounded with. 

Spontaneous. That's the word to explain the weekend. Also the following words: boobs, champagne, dance, laughter. 

The rest is what happens in Angelisland city stays here. 

But I'm walking on clouds. High on life ♡

I had no energy left in my body after bowling, I didn't get much sleep on the night before either so I went straight from the lanes to the couch in the TV room at the bowl. "Why didn't you just go back home to get some sleep?" Cause I couldn't!  I was gonna start working 1,5h later. FUUUUUUUN 

took a quick nap before showering and getting ready for work.  

Work 5pm-midnight 

Fell asleep late 

Alarm went off early

Sunday 

Work 11am-5.30pm 

Sleep

Monday 

Bed all day

Tuesday

Bed all day

Wednesday

First day I left my apartment this week. 

Haha I was actually excited to see the world again! Met up with Johanna around lunchtime to help her out with some stuff, to have lunch together and just hang out for a while. So good to see her again. This girl is the craziest, funniest, most awesome girl I know. ♡ love spending time with her. 

Also the last Wednesday before Christmas so we had a small tournament with the youth bowlers I coach, today. I am so proud of how far they have come just over a few months and I am so excited to see what the future has in store for them. Can't wait to start up in January! 

After practice today me and mom ordered food and had a mom and daughter evening. Time just flew by. 

Back home now, trying to plan the rest of my week. Really exciting stuff coming up this week. Dinners planned, catch up with people I haven't seen for ages, bowling etc.  

So I was working all day today. 

But what did I do yesterday? 

Eh. 

I was sleeping. Coaching. Practicing. Last but not least had a late meeting. 

I was home around 9.45pm. 

So what am I gonna do tomorrow? 

HANGOUT WITH JOSEFINE!!!!!!!!!

and gym and bowl and eat But most importantly

HANGOUT WITH JOSEFINE!!!!!!!!! 

I don't wanna jinx myself but I think my motivation is back, iiiiiiiih excited. 

Maybe I should take it from the beginning? 

Ive actually had a great day today. Except the fact that I only slept for like 5h last night (don't hate, I need my sleep). I did it with a smile though, I planned to surprise my mom with breakfast. Alarm was set for 7.30am, got up, showered and got ready. Left my apartment right after 8am to go to the store and buy all the stuff I needed for a perfect breakfast. 

Freshly made baguettes, cheese, smoked ham, luxury shrimp creamy thingy, vegetables, quark with warm raspberries and blueberries. 

I think my mom got surprised, I actually "warned" her with a text before I left to go to the store but anyways :) she deserves the best. 

After we had that delicious breakfast and after we were done talking about everything inbetween heaven and earth, I decided to go back home to take a quick nap before my meetings. I had one scheduled but it turned out to be two or actually three cause we scheduled one for tomorrow as well. I dont wanna share just yet what they are about but as soon as I know more about the meetings I promise to let you guys know! :) stay tuned! 

I squeezed in lunch with a dear friend today too. Thai buffet, tea time, lots of laugther and also serious discussions. I really enjoyed it! 

That was pretty much it for today, you know the rest. Gym. Bowling. I have done more today than the past week, haha. 

Taking the day off the gym tomorrow. It's all about bowling instead. Coaching the kids, practice and then the meeting. 

25min powerwalk to the gym 

Core - class 

25min powerwalk to the bowl

Bowled house league 4games 

That's the most I have done in one day the past week! Hahaha. I'm proud of myself! 

I'm definitely feeling better in my body than last week. My cold is pretty much gone and I have a little more energy. Bad thing is I haven't been eating as much as I maybe should have so it was really tough today at the gym. I felt weak and couldn't really focus on what I was doing but I'm happy I went there anyways and I'm sure I will wake up sore tomorrow.

I'm gonna gave have to work hard now to get it back into routines but I'm pretty sure I can do it! Don't you think? 

What makes me happy is that I haven't lost all of it: 

Bowling was fun the first two games and the last game. I haven't been bowling more than once last week cause of being sick so I was actually pretty happy with how well I was throwing it today. I had control. I was good at reading the ball reaction and also knowing what was different between the not so good shots. 

Having a few meeting tomorrow but other than that I plan on doing some cardio or a class at the gym. Wish me luck 

I'm the happiest version of myself when I'm surrounded by people. I don't have to nor do I want to be in focus the whole time, but that is when I can relax, laugh and just be. 

I have since Monday afternoon, been stuck in bed cause of what I believe is my first sick moment of 2014. I haven't talked to anyone, mainly cause I don't have a voice at the moment, but also cause I have been too busy going through picture after picture, video after video to figure out my situation. 

I'm stuck in after evil circle where I'm so afraid to fail that I can't even give myself a chance to succeed. I want everything I do to be perfect. Everything. Home, work, relationships, body, bowling. Everything. 

I feel that I'm running but I'm not really sure where I'm going. 

I wanna be good enough. 

I have so high expectations on myself and I don't know how to get rid of them. 

I have been so busy lately making sure everyone else is ok that I kinda forgot about myself. I haven't even though about myself. I've been too busy caring about others. AND AGAIN don't get me wrong. It means the world to me to make the people around me feel good and be happy. I have been OK with that until now when I got a day and a half by myself and realized I have pushed myself aside. 

OK I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. Does this make sense? Very common question in this blog btw. 

I feel happy but at the same time I don't.  How is that even possible?

Blaaaah. 

I just hate winter. Winter makes me depressed. 

I'm not even crying when making this update. I just feel empty. I need some energy and this I'm gonna get by getting back at the gym. I'm a fighter. I'm not gonna give up. I just need to clear my thoughts a bit and this is where I do so. I need to put myself and my body first now. So stupid cold please go away, leave me alone. I'm too busy for this sh*t. 

Let's make the last 28 days of this year freaking amazing, OK?  

♡ 

So if Friday counts to the weekend I can start to share that day with you. My mom picked me up at the trainstation around 2pm, stopped by the bowl to drop off my bowlingballs on the way home. When I finally got home I took a shower and got ready to leave again, since mom was gonna go away over the weekend I got to borrow mom's car, so I decided to go visit on of my closest friends at her work. Such a cozy boutique way out in the middle of nowhere. It's a clothing boutique combined with a small part with delicate candy, chocolate, cheese, crackers and on and on and on. It's pretty much heaven. It's called Elin & Arvid for my swedish readers if you ever wanna go there, it's a must if you're in my area! 

Made myself some dinner and spent the evening on the couch. 

Saturday I woke up pretty early but stayed in bed until like 11am. Got up and got ready for a day of doing errands and bowling league. I was pretty happy with myself with all the things I got done during lunch. At first. Cause later on I realized I forgot to do half the things I was supposed to do, hahaha. Oh well. Good thing is I have plenty of time this week to get it done, at least I got the most important stuff done. 

Bowled league with my favorite girls and we did a great job, again. I'm so proud of my girls especially my doubles partner Cajsa who bowl a great score. :) 

On my way home from Helsingborg where I bowl league, I texted Frida, who was gonna bowl league with her guys team in Malmoe (which is more south than I live) and asked her to stop by my house to go out with me. I got the answer: I'm wearing winter boots, a pair of jeans and a sweat shirt, I can go out looking like this. 

Luckily, we have the same size shoes. Unfortunately, we do not have the same size shirt. Luckily, I'm a problemsolver. My answer: the supermarket is open and they have a clothing section, I promise we will find something there. SAID AND DONE! about 45min later I picked her up and we went to the store and found an outfit for her. Got Ready for a girls night out - and trust me when I say it was a top 10 night out. Holy CRAP we had a bunch of fun. Went to bed at 7am. Long time since last time that happened. 

Woke up on Sunday feeling sick right before 10am. Not sick as in having to throw up. Sick as in the worst freaking cold. I have lost my voice and my nose is just blocked. 

Oh well, only after a few hours sleep I took a shower and dressed up: I was gonna get great company on my Sunday!  JOSEFINE! 😍 

Aw my lovely best friend josefine came to visit me. ♡ 

Perfect timing, we had a lot to catch up on and just having her here made me happy. I had prepared with cheese, crackers, chocolate and all that from Emmas work, for us. Zacke joined us too. Great ending to this weekend. 

Monday is the worst day of the week in my opinion but this one was not bad at all. Me and mom went to Ikea and another shopping center for a mother and daughter day. 

Keep the good days coming!